The FA functionaires responded with their normal rapidity–busy planning elaborate lunches and waxing Brian Barwick’s moustache–by charging Manchester United defender Patrice Evra and a Chelsea groundskeeper for a fracas at Stamford Bridge.  The incident occurred April 26.

Evra has been charged with improper conduct.  The groundskeeper, Sam Bethell, has been charged with improper conduct and the use of “abusive language aggravated by reference to nationality/race.”

Rio Ferdinand has escaped charges for injuring a female member of the Chelsea staff (struck by a door he kicked) on the way back to the Untied dressing room.  He apologized and sent the woman flowers, and graciously spared her an elaborate merking.

No date has been set for a hearing, because it’s summer and no one at the FA could be bothered.

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