[caption id=”" align=”alignright” width=”450″ caption=”If every game is a coin flip between equally awful teams - let's make Dent the new Commissioner. MLS '08: You Make Your Own Luck. “][/caption]

Sorry, but this question has been burning a hole in my small intestine for about a couple weeks now, and I just now have time to address it.

Can any team in MLS actually play soccer?

OK, the Revolution and Crew have decent point totals at the moment, but does anyone regard either team as great? Would you bet the farm right now on New England winning the Cup final? You’d dismiss it normally I guess, given their past history, but with the possibility that they could be playing Real Salt Lake in the final, impossible is nothing.

What about Columbus? I think they are a bit more under the radar than the Revolution are. But they’ve snuck up on New England a little bit in the East and have created a two-team race at the top. But what of them come playoff time? I guess the best thing going for them is that they can have some home-field advantage in the postseason (such as it is), so they can play in that fortress known as Crew Stadium, in front of friends, family, and everyone there for the bratwurst.

But beyond that? The rest of the league is awful! There are four teams in the East tied with 22 points. United barely played in the league for a month, and as bad as their current form is right now, they are still well within an earshot of finishing third and clinching one of the postseason spots. I guess you give Chicago the edge for that spot right now, but if Blanco is suspended for any length of time by MLS for “Conducting unbecoming of the League,” after the alleged incident in the US Open Cup match vs. United at the SoccerPlex, then that could change everything. It’s Blanco with that team (and McBride if they get him, but as of this writing, they don’t, so he doesn’t count). Last year, everyone thought Osorio was a genius for guiding the Fire late in the year. You see where that genius has gotten him with Red Bulls - which couldn’t even beat San Jose yesterday. The Fire fans ought to hire a plane to fly over Bridgeview - “It’s Blanco, stupid!”

Whereas the rest of us would hire a similar plane with a message behind it of, “It’s stupid Blanco!” But anyway.

And don’t even get me started on the West. We’ve already mentioned that RSL could be in the Final. You have to entertain that possibility in your head right now - which is somewhat akin to carry around a mental image of Natalie from Facts of Life getting it on with Skippy from Family Ties in some kind of weird NBC crossover series Craigslist hookup.

Most of the teams out west are garbage, including perhaps the leaders. The Galaxy should lead that division by 12 points, but they couldn’t play defense to save their ass, their houses, their cars, or Landon Donovan’s carefully-hidden book, “Great Things to See When You Only Have 10 Minutes in Germany.” A team with Beckham, Donovan, and Ruiz, can’t even grab the conference lead, or put together 25 points for the season. Every other team in the league has a salary cap. What’s the Galaxy’s excuse. Hell, Dallas beat them 4-0 last night. It was like FCD was playing the role of Pachuca and the Galaxy were Joe Public.

I mean, what the hell, only four teams in the league even have a winning record - and even that’s being generous because one of them is a Houston team with a 5-4-8 record. Yeah, it’s a winning record, but it’s about as attractive as The Joker in the nurse’s outfit.

People always argue about whether a dynasty is a good thing for a sport. And Houston has won the last two MLS Cups … but right now, I just want to see a good game between two good teams.

This entry was posted on Monday, July 28th, 2008 at 5:35 pm and is filed under Football News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.